Some of us talk a lot.  We become the source of information.  Some doesn’t talk but they still convey some unspoken message.  This is the non-verbal communication.  It can be heard through the tone of the voice or the screams or the sighs.  It can be seen through the gestures, the movements, the appearance, the facial expression.

Some of us just listen.  We also respond either verbally or non-verbally.  We say “yes” when we agree, “no” when we don’t, argue when the message seems vague, react when we either confirm or refute.  But we can also respond with a nod, a smile, a frown, a sigh, or just simply a walk out.

But sometimes there are obstacles in the way we receive the messages.  This is not about being deaf or losing the capacity to rationally understand.  It is the amount we choose to receive.  And each one of us is guilty of filtering the messages conveyed with cold-shoulder.

I just wonder how my students take my session.  They just do not realize it but I silently watch them everytime I speak.  Some students look seemingly interested.  Some intensely look into my eyes.  Some secretly play the solitaire.  Some abrasively talk as I talk (the most disrespectful and annoying ones).  Some do not care at all as if they are geniuses who do not need additional stock.  Some butt in in the middle of the lecture.  Some ask questions at the end.

Whatever their characters are, it is their choice.  It is not the society that forms their character.  They form their character for the society to see.

Here are the barriers-to effective listening: (Some of us may have one of these characters)

1. The “Bored Listener” who has heard it all before.  If you encounter same statements, same facts, same ideas over and over again you tend to lose interest so in the back of your mind you keep telling yourself, “here it goes again…”  But sometimes those same ideas and facts have actually additional information in between and so you just missed out something.
2. The “Selective Listener” who picks out bits and pieces of the conversation that only interests him or her and rejects the rest.  Who isn’t guilty of this?  We only listen to those stories that interest us and we close our ears to those that seem insignificant.  But watch out, dear.  Every detail counts if we want to know the complete story.  This is where communication gap begins.
3. The “Defensive Listener” who twists everyrthing said into a personal attack.  This is true for those slowly suffering the paranoia symptom.  They think every story said suggests something about them.  These are insecure people and those guilty of hovering dark secrets.
4. The “Interrupter” who spends more of his or her time not listening to what is being said but replies only to those he or she is interested in.  This is like the selective listener but he or she has the tendency to butt in every now and then to details that interest him.  This kind of listener usually breaks the momentum until the full story is cut into pieces.The
5. “Insensitive Listener” who cannot catch the feelings or emotions behind the word.  This kind of listener has yet too many things to learn.  First, he or she should improve on her interpersonal skills.  His or her ability to listen and understand needs to be developed.  Second, he or she should know how to catch the non-verbal message like the way how the tone of the voice slowed down into a silent sigh or how the screaming gesture of a hand turned into a folded fist.

These are the barrier-to-effective listening characters and each one of us is guilty of any of these at some point in our daily conversations.  Our world is too preoccupied with messages in our community that listening attentively is just too impossible to bear.

Have you ever felt so tired when you woke up in the morning and all you wanted was to sleep again but your brains were just up to something you cannot even figure out?

Have you ever felt so down that you thought no one was really there for you?  That those you love can’t be there for you all the time?

Have you ever tried to fathom all the lapses in the world without thinking your own because you were just so tired of thinking about your problems?

Have you ever felt like running away from the humdrum of the city because every work and every person you face were just so uninteresting?

Have you ever felt of resigning from your work and swore you would never work again because you just felt you were not even recognized of your hard work?

Have you ever felt so lonely without knowing why but you just woke up feeling that everything was just not right?

Have you ever felt so discontent in your life that you think you were such a failure and a loser?

Have you?

Don’t worry.  Your cerebrum is still functioning well.  You’re not having psychopathic symptoms either.

You are still you.  That’s just ennui.

Many people experience ennui at some point in their lives.  It is more than boredom though some use it interchangeably because they are of the same mental state.

Ennui is a state of being so bored, so down, so discontent, so languid, so restless.

But we can combat ennui anytime it crashes us.  We can defeat such feeling.

We can change our routine.  Instead of eating fried eggs every morning, try out some kokorunch with hot milk.  Instead of taking the jeepney in the nearest station, try to walk half a kilometer longer.  Instead of going to your workplace immediately from the house, try to drop by in the nearest chapel or church.  Instead of watching those mind-numbing telenovelas, try to get some good pirated dvds.  Instead of working eight hours straight with just a break during lunchtime, try to surf the internet or chat with some strangers or simply click the solitaire.

And most of all, learn to experience the wonders of life.  They are as countless as the vanishing mist each time the darkness surrenders to the promising sunrise.

(I am writing this because just at this very moment ennui is again peeping into my soul.  But look at this.  I have just composed one beautiful article about ennui.  And I have just defeated it.  Smile!)

They move and fly with extraordinary grace different from other insects of their size. They hop imperiously on the swaying cogon grasses unmindful of the passing wind.

We are always struck with awe with their presence around us. And oh, we love chasing them like chasing a streaming dream.

We love to chase them, to seize them, to nurse them.

But chasing dragonflies is not about them as stunning creatures.  It is about being a child.  It is about bringing the child in us. The wonder. The magic.

We chase them not because we love those flying needle-like insects.  We chase them because there’s so much fun in running, in stumbling, in feeling like a brave soldier when we capture them, and in feeling heroic when we release them after.

Bringing the child in us is bringing out what’s inside us.  Even if we grow old in age, our hearts always remain young.  We marvel at the times when we were young and we didn’t care about tomorrow and the puzzles it brought us.

Older people are heavily laden with the puzzles of life.  Children aren’t.  They are bewildered instead by the beauty and greatness of life. They just love the moment and are awed by the mystery of it.

So, let’s go back to chasing.  Chasing a dragonfly is one way of communicating (huh, here comes the Journalism teacher now).

When we chase dragonflies, we want to convey that we want to befriend them.  For whatever reasons, we have this desire to come running after them or come hiding at their tails. 

And so, we are conveying a message…that we are there for them. That we connect so we build our friendship with them.

This is also true in writing (So, finally the teacher’s concept comes in).

When we write, we are conveying a message…we are expressing something.  We want to communicate.

Once I heard one of the speeches of a prominent person telling something about Valentine’s Day.  She said, “If you cannot express what’s inside your heart then you are the loneliest person on earth.”

Expressing is communicating.  It starts with one look, with a smile, with one hello, with a tap or a touch.  And the communication begins.

When we chase dragonflies and capture them, we tap them and we tell them how much we admire and appreciate them, we enjoy being with them, we love them. And so it is with writing.

In writing, all we have to do is express ourselves, our ideas, our stand.  We do not write to impress.  We do not get a dictionary to look for complex words to sound so impressive.  We are making a statement that everybody can understand. 

In writing, we communicate what’s in our hearts.  We connect.

Connection is the strongest word ever.   It is being connected that matters.

So, when you write don’t allow your readers to chase for dictionaries to understand what you are pointing at.  Can you imagine yourself chasing dictionaries rather than dragonflies?

 Eeeeeeew.

 Get connected with your readers.

In writing news, we have to stick to the facts.  The never-ending emphasis on the 5 Ws (who, what, where, when, and why) and 1 H (how) are repeated every now and then.  They say it’s hard to write news.  Some claim it’s boring because they can’t give out their opinions.  Some argue it’s nothing but a straight story telling.

Whatever it is, its news.  And everyday in our lives we are bombarded with issues that will certainly catch our attention.  Take away the adjectival phrase “concerned citizen”, and put in the strong noun phrase “rational being”.  We were born to think and understand.

Writing is another thing, of course.  We can always think but we cannot always write.

It takes knowledge, sensitivity, and points of view to be able to write.

The Little Prince of Antoine de Saint-Exupery said he hates grown-ups because they are hard to understand.  They change minds instantly.  It is only the children who know what they are doing.

Just like chasing a dragonfly.  They chase because they believe dragonflies are worth chasing.

And so it is writing.  We write because we believe in it.  Chasing a dragonfly is bringing out the child in us, writing is bringing out the spirit in us.

We write because we have something in our mind that we want to squeeze out.  Of course, we cannot write if there’s nothing in there (point your right index finger two inches away from your right eye).

We have to read a lot first.  We have to develop the love in reading to gain knowledge and to adapt the style in writing.  When we read, read, and read then we can write, write, and write.

When we are able to start writing, forget about grammar first.  We can go back and edit our grammar after.  Maintain the flow of ideas.  Once it flows, it is like a river that never runs dry.   Every writer edits his or her works anyway.

Just like chasing dragonflies.  These dragonflies are clueless why we love chasing them.  They bring no harm but we love playing with their tails and wings until they end up dying and crawling.  And then we realize how feeble they are.  So we try to be gentle next time to see them alive.

True with writing.  We can play with words until we come up with one composition.  When we realize something is missing or some words went another way, we try to fix them up until they look perfect.

So perfect like those dragonflies when they mass together near the meandering rivers of Mawab or against the backdrop of the vanishing forests of Buda.

Chasing dragonflies is like chasing your dreams.  Writing with a heart is like carving out your soul.